Where are you looking?

Originally published on my previous blog - From Wine to Fine - on 7/7/17

Last Sunday we had a guest speaker at church, and he shared a message that gave my heart goosebumps. The message was about CHANGE.

The foundation of his message was the story of Lot's wife in the book of Genesis. Basically, Lot and his family were told to flee Sodom (visualize Sin City) and not look back. However, Lot's wife disobeyed those orders, glanced back, and turned into a pillar of salt. Whoops.

As the speaker progressed, he had us ponder on her motive for looking back.

Was she looking back to her place of comfort?

Was she looking at what she was giving up?

Was she longing to remain (in a disastrous place)?

He then shifted the question to us and asked what we were looking back at?

Past mistakes?

Marital problems?

Financial issues?

Addictions? (Ding, ding, ding!)

Next, the speaker touched on the story of Peter walking on water towards Jesus. In that story, Peter starts to sink when he diverts his eyes from Jesus. Peter got scared. He doubted. He lost his forward-moving focus.

OK. So I know not everyone reading follows Jesus, but the message being revealed in these two simple stories is that change is tough! We all struggle sometimes with moving forward and letting go of our past and our fears.

Enter goosebumps on the heart…

I'm having a hard time letting go of my past- my poor choices, my shame, my guilt, my 20-something persona, my life as an active drinker. I keep comparing myself to the girl I once was and so often lose focus on the woman I've become.

I keep looking backwards rather than forward. And when I do, the waters get shaky. I turn into my own pillar (of self-doubt, self-pity, self-reliance).

But I must keep my eyes forward and put my faith in the woman I am today, in the woman I'll be tomorrow. I have to keep my eyes fixated on the new life I'm living and wholly trust the fact that this is the best life for me, for my family.

Change is tough. No doubt. However, living my old life was tougher. So when those ill-feelings start to creep in, I know now to ask myself, "Where are you looking?" and quickly whip my head around, to have faith, and trust all that lies ahead.

So now I ask you, where are you looking?